IF YOU HAVE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH $150 -- READ THIS NONSENSE

[Valentine Mark Herman]

1. Start here, because 'I have always something important to tell you' [although 'I always have something important to tell you' sounds better to me]

We have always something important to tell you

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State of the Art - Artist's Book Dear Artist  Art Vip Gallery and Galeria Aberta, are calling for Artists to submit their work for selection in order to be included in the next book, "State of the Art - Artist's book". In State of the Art - Artist's book the curators´s goal, is to present a wide range of contemporary best Artists and their artworks. Read More

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2. So you've looked it up, and found that they want $150 of your hard-earned artist's money. On discovering this, I sent  Art VIP Gallery, the following email:

"I have something Important to tell you, too.

You must be joking.

If YOU pay ME $150+ to be in your book, I will consider it.

If not, you can...get lost? (and that's being polite, very polite)"

Because I don't have $150.

3. Their reply?

"Dear Mr. Valentin (sic) Mark Herman

Thank you for your polite answer. We are prepared to pay 150€ or more to great artists to be in 'State of the Art - Artist's Book'. After analyzing carefully your portfolio (stamp art, postcard art, aboriginal art, etc) I'm sorry to inform you, that your artwork does not the required the art quality to be paid or even be published in the State of the Art. What you do for art fill in more like craft work stuff. Next year we are launching a craft work book and we will be pleased to have you.

Kind Regards

Tommy Dul"

4. I was devastated when I read this as Mr Dul (come on!)'s very badly written and totally ungrammatical letter seems to be saying that I am not a great artist ("We've known that for a long time, Val!") and my 'portfolio' -- I'd never thought of it as that -- which contains a lot of Mail Art, does not reach Mr Dul's quality standards.

5. To help me get over this major put-down of my artistic efforts, I cordially invite you to send me $149.99 -- you even get to save $0.01! -- thank you. (Or you can, of course, send $150 to Mr Dul). I will use the money to boost my spirits -- both artistic and alcohol -- and send you some Mail Art back in return.

THE END

FROM Art Vip Gallery TO You

---

[Valentine Mark Herman]

Highlights of the first 24 hours after posting this:

*it's been viewed 84 times (wow!)

* Prince Charles has gotten involved

* Erni makes German news

* Saatchu divorces Nigella

* I have received exactly $0.00

[Cerulean]

[Valentine Mark Herman]

"Erni's art is FANTASTIC!"

Charles, Prince of Wales.

[Valentine Mark Herman]

Cerulean: thanks! I thought this had something to do with Alberta, Canada, but maybe it is from Portugal after all (That would explain the name and the bad English). i will flick...

Erni: better looking, yes, and your art is better, too (now send me $150.00 for that compliment!)

A New York Gallery once offered me an exhibition if I i) paid them $5000, ii) gave them 40% of whatever was sold iii) arranged my own shipping and insurance, iv) attended the opening to meet the press, etc.

[Cerulean]

Hi Val, 

Unfortunately there are people who want to make money in such a nasty way.

I've done some research for you....and of course I do not know whether the results of my research are correct...:)

Anyway: The Art VIP Gallery is from Portugal. And there's  a Mr. T.D. with a Flickr photostream. The pictures look like

they're from Portugal too. If you follow the link: this could be the one we're talking about.....:)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tommydul/9168525830/

Best, Cerulean.