David Staffords's Art Opening at the Diane Keys Gallery a raging success!!!!!

[DKeys]

The opening was a success. We had approximately 1,223 visitors, of which 5 signed the guest book. They had this to say about David's latest series of artspace desktops:  "Where is the bathroom?"  " Stafford provides a framework through which understanding obfuscates unknowability."--Dave Hickey, Food Critic Magazine. "Where's the food?"--Dave Hickey, Food Critic Magazine  "I was a little disappointed as I was hoping to see more of David's spleen shaped rock installations, but began to see the beauty and subtlety of his newest series. I took it to mean that it is not the creation itself , but the act of creation that is important.  That, or he's getting lazy." "How do I go about purchasing a David Stafford original? I want it on my wall next to my Mondrian--to which I see similarities.I've got a budget of $100.00 Does he barter?" 

The highlight was when David began doing impromptu caricatures of the guests. He then mixed and matched their body parts,  an exquisite corpse-esque commentary on the quintessence of exquisite corpseness. For more information on the work of David Stafford, please call his info hotline:  1-800-Got-Davi

[Bifidus Jones]

Alright. You guys crack me up. If I were king you'd all be getting trophies and not those cheap Little League things either

[David Stafford]

Ouch, the pressures on. Yes, it's all coming back to me now...the rum, the fun, the tums, the bums, (pinched and  peaked). Do you remember when I turned to you and said, "Is there any way we can turn this into a musical?" And you said, "I don't sing unless there are six figures involved." And I said, "How about six figurines?" But I never heard your response because that tall guy in the pharmceutically enhanced trenchcoat appeared. Damn. We touched the stars that night.

[DKeys]

DVS, I think everyone should just mourn the twinkie and get on with it.

David, I remember it clearly.  You were doing a caricature for a rubinesque woman named Henrietta. You knew this because she had it tattooed on her arm. She told you  it was done during her 'commitment to self' ceremony. You said if you got a tat, it would be of a cow then you quoted your idol, Grant Wood: "All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow. " It turns out she was with her boyfriend, a tattoo artist. I whispered to you that He (that was his name) had just purchased your most expensive piece, "I'm doodling because I'm bored, how about you?" He offered to give you the cow tattoo as a barter.  You both agreed that art is  invaluable and to  assign monetary value would be pointless. So you came up with this asemic price tag.  I'm really surprised you don't remember this, but the tiramisu  did seem to have an unusually high rum content. Remind me to use those caterers again-sales were stellar!!!!!You must get to work on the next show--your fans are waiting and I told them you'd have another ready in 6 months.

[De Villo Sloan]

[David Stafford]

Diane, it really was unforgettable. And your new space is...well....intimidating. I just wish I could remember how I wound up with an asemic tattoo on my calf. See fig one.

Great blog, Diane...

[DKeys]

Thanks Claire-David's wit is unparalleled. This piece made my day and while it was completely fictitious, it made me feel very important at the moment:)

[Claire (aka Cleo)]

hahaha - you are a gas Diane!