A CONFESSION ABOUT BREASTS or I JUST HAVE TO GET THIS OFF OF MY CHEST

I just arrived home from a joint session with my Psychoanalyst and Sexual Therapist trying, and failing, to explain what it is about somebody who has a desire to show me her breasts, and the devastating effect her obsession has had on my personality, when the PostLady knocked at the door and gave me a little parcel.

I opened it and found these ....BREASTS!

Wow!

I thought long and hard   about what to do with them, and phoned my Sexual Therapist who advised me to take several deep breaths, a cold shower, a few more deep breaths (although she did tell me not to breathe too deeply in case I became too excited) and see if there was any clue in the package as to what this was all about.

So I looked in the package, and found.....MORE BREASTS! LOTS MORE BREASTS!

Eight times Wow! And some of these breasts were even smiling at me! (I smiled back at them, of course)

Now I bet you are wondering who is sharing their Breast Fantasies with me (and my Sexual Therapist and Pyschoanalyst) BUT I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.

                                                  YOU HAVE TO GUESS.

Two clues: i) they have come from the US, and ii) they were sent by someone of the fair sex.

How can I properly say a polite thankyou to her without revealing her name? The best I can do is to revert to my working class North East of England origins, and say "Tha's got a smashing pair of knockers, luv. Ta for letting me see them."

And then I went downstairs for yet another cold shower humming a few lines from the Coasters' "Poison Ivy":

"She comes on like a Rolls/ but everybody knows/She'll get you in Dutch/
Now you can look but you better not touch"

So Guess ...but don't touch

***

DISCLAIMER:

This comment/blog is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, and/or their anatomies is purely coincidental.

**

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Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on January 30, 2014 at 7:10pm

Thank Erni!

I'm not sure if that then is YOUR guess to my original 'Whose are these breasts?' question, but if not it's a bit of a giveaway question now.

Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on January 11, 2014 at 5:39am

Thanks Dan. I lived in Holland for 25 or so years, so I was, according to the Coasters, in trouble for 25 or so years. They were good years though.

Swwitch to the Stones:

You're searching for good times
But just wait and see
You'll come running back (I wont have to worry no more)
You'll come running back (spend the rest of my life with you, baby)
You'll come running back to me

Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is"

Or it was, 'cos I'm getting seriously aged now.

But not as old as Mick & Keef & Charlie & Bill though

PS thanks for the 'Dr' info about Jaspals

Comment by Dan Mouer on January 10, 2014 at 11:24pm
Val, to be "in Dutch" means to be in trouble (at least in 1950s USA slang. I have no idea why.
Comment by Dan Mouer on January 10, 2014 at 11:21pm
And to further quote the Coasters (I am sure I know all the lyrics to at least a dozen Coasters hits):

She will really do you in,
If you let her get under your skin...
Comment by Dan Mouer on January 10, 2014 at 11:16pm
Val,
A rose comes on with thorns. You can look, but...
Comment by Dan Mouer on January 10, 2014 at 11:14pm
I believe Jaspals doctorate is in fine arts, but I might be way off base. I know his work is highly regarded in India, and especially in his home state f Punjab.
Comment by Katerina Nikoltsou (MomKat) on January 10, 2014 at 5:01pm

Well, they are creative interpretations of the art of Bosch.

Mr. Colori made a most wonderful catalog...more than 250 art pieces in full color!

Val's contribution is there too (I see you, thru-the-wall):

Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on January 10, 2014 at 4:54pm

Look at Katerina's Blog, it contains Breasts contributed by an Indian colleague*:

*As he is refered to as 'Dr Jaspals' (Dr of Medicine?) they might be displayed here for a medical purpose, and not the voyeristic one that turns all you lot on.

To be SHARED: A beautiful documentation from The Museum of Instant Images and Mr. Colori

*As he is refered to as 'Dr Jaspals' (Dr of Medicine?) they might be displayed here for a medical purpose, and not the voyeuristic one that turns all you lot on.

Comment by Amy Irwen on January 9, 2014 at 5:42pm

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. !!!!!

Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on January 9, 2014 at 5:18pm

Dan -- I can see why you cancelled your subscription to 'Playboy' (see collage below) all those years ago, and switched it to 'Rolling Stone' -- 'Playboy' didn't have enough song lyrics.

BUT it did have breasts, though.

Now as to the lyrics, that line is one of those that are frequently mis-heard, mis-quoted, or just plain misunderstood. We always sang 'She comes on like a Rolls', because it's much better that way.

(The 'Dutch' in the first line of the couplet I quoted is also a strange choice of word; it rhymes with 'touch' -- as does 'much', 'such', 'clutch', 'crutch', 'inasmuch', etc -- but what does 'in Dutch' mean?

How does a Rolls come along? Like a big, quiet, expensive, well padded, well engineered, high price, high performance, luxurious car.

How does a Rose come along?

Breasts aside (Discuss, with illustrations) which one would you rather have -- a Roller or a Rose?

I know which one I'd choose: sorry, Rose, it ain't you, babe.

And off we go again with Robert E Zimmerman.

This electronic mail message is intended to be opened and read, but not touched, fondled or groped, and is confidential and for the use only of the individual, animal, piece of fruit ,or legal entity to whom it is addressed. It may also be legally privileged: we are not legally privileged, or legally competent, to say if it is, or isn't.. ..work it out for yourself, but get it wrong, and we will sue you. If the reader of this message is not the intended addressee or recipient , you are hereby notified that any use, distribution, copying, dissemination, micro-waving, collaging, reproduction (of any human species), retention (anal, oral, or whatever: thanks Sigmund!) and the taking of any action – especially against Erni Bar -- in reliance on the contents of this electronic mail message is strictly prohibited. If you have received this electronic mail message in error please immediately notify us by pigeon post and return the original message to your nearest Walmart store

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