Recruiting Material Arrives from DKult Headquarters

Now I will have to put on my starched white shirt and dress slacks and go door-to-door to pass out my pamphlets and discuss the saving grace of DKult [art]...

All of this paraphernalia arrived stuffed in a Kane County Jury Commission envelope--repurposed and re-addressed to me. (I hope our DKult leader isn't shirking her civic duties by sending her jury summons "accidentally" out-of-state. I can just hear the excuses tumbling out in front of the sargeant-at-arms: "Umm.... it must have got lost in the mail!")

And anyway, I beg for mercy from the courts, 'cause IT AIN'T NO CRIME TO SEND FABULOUS TRASHPO THROUGH THE MAIL!!!

Included were some GREAT Trashpo ATCs. (Don't worry, Diane, I was NEVER a stickler for keeping within those strict measurement guidelines--some control freaks are so WEIRD about that!!)

...And some comic book entertainment...

These comics were undoubtedly written by someone from Vermont (where I grew up), because the official Vermont State Slang was recorded in my favorite panel:

Not one, but TWO DKult recruiting pamphlets included for my brainwashing delight:

And some favorite recruiting techniques from the literature...

why... I've never experienced STICKY SIT before!  BUT THAT DOESN"T MEAN IT COULDN"T HAPPEN TO YOU!!

These pamphlets make it easy--ANYONE can help be a recruiter!!  Thanks, Diane! Is there a quota of new members I'm supposed to fulfill? Frankly, I can't believe people aren't breaking down the headquarter doors in order to sign-up!

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Comment by DKULT on June 25, 2012 at 4:49pm

Sorry Lynn, but it sounded more upbeat and happy than evil. I just don't see anything evil about you:)

Comment by Lynn Radford on June 25, 2012 at 4:09pm

Dkult is taking over the world! Mwah haa haa haaaaaaaa! (In case you were wondering... that was my best evil laugh. I know it falls short.)

Comment by DKULT on June 25, 2012 at 4:04pm

The customer loyalty program was a great idea DVS. This will be a great way to track  trashpo hot spots, potential pot hole pitfalls, and strong resistance to the cause areas. Trashpoets will know where the nearest landfill foxhole is to duck and cover. Flipping out the IDcards will allow Dkulters to have the last laugh on those who would persecute us. The days of the strappado and pressing are not so far gone The Dkult noosphere is ever expanding!!!

Comment by De Villo Sloan on June 25, 2012 at 3:46pm

DKULTNY suggests before "boots on the ground" missionaries start door-to-door, street rants & handing out literature, make sure you have your ID-Kard. Mailings started last week. Kulters should have them soon. When you show this to someone, they'll understand everything (and you can earn rewards points!):

 

New Official Trashpo I-DKards w/Tracking Chip 

Comment by Lynn Radford on June 25, 2012 at 3:40pm

Great blog post, Thom! I love the witty way with which you approached the subject matter at hand! "I shit you not!" Dkulist tactics are alive and working through the trashy vessel that is you! Can't wait to meet your new recruits!Been working on a little something for you, if you are lucky it will arrive around the 4th... If your luck runs out, look for it after...

Comment by DKULT on June 25, 2012 at 1:28am

Thanks for blogging Thom, and now that you have shown interest in door to door recruitment/evangelizing, I will be sending you a box of literature. It works like a pyramid scheme--you tell two friends, they tell two friends and so on and so on and so on. Try to target neighborhoods populated by the poor, elderly, and fringe outsiders looking for a place to belong. We stand AND we deliver (personality modulation devices that is) Your monthly quota is 36--that's how many rooms are available during the summer months--The trashuts get a bit hot in the summer.

Comment by De Villo Sloan on June 24, 2012 at 10:33pm

Thanks for sharing Thom.

There's a push on the DKult Personality Modulation Machine (DKPMM). Looks like another D-Klass Action Lawsuit to me. Wait until you order, though. DKULTNY is going to have an offer for DKPMMs you can't refuse.

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