"The Power of a New Life at DKult" from Diane Keys ...

[Nancy Bell Scott]

... "as you go forward ... " :

Yes, what CAN they do to you? Close, maybe? This little booklet, held together by DKult staples, contains more of the DKult philosophy and advice: 

The only really alarming part is the warning that association with DKult may lead you to believe that the broken chair is persecuted. I know, she kind of snuck that in there, but it's in there. I was once in charge of the DKult order department. And also, another time, the claims department. Whatever our positions are now, we should all take this warning very seriously. There could be a good deal of fallout. But we can have faith in Neil Gordon, Chaplain of DKult, who will see you through anything standing in your way of achieving a newfound appreciation for trash, a sense of belonging, and a membership ID card granting immunity. Thanks DK--heaven knows we couldn't do it without you.

[DKeys]

DVS, sorry you mistook this for dirt, but this was the fruits of the DKult cooking classes. It is edible and has miraculous healing powers. Charcoal is very good for obtaining higher consciousness (assuming it doesn't make you GO unconscious).

Alicia, the confessional is open at all times. Atonement is also available at all times except all Jewish holidays (rule established by Chaplain Neil). You are absolved of this sin and must say 30 Hail Dkults. Twice throwed away trash requires that be doubled.

Claudia, lack of compassion for live objects is a pardonable sin-as it was probably ugly to begin with

DVS, I hope you are busy mass printing the brochure I sent. It's not one of the better ones, but it's a process based on availability of good trash.

[Alicia Starr]

#1. Who is in charge of the confessional around here. Is it a sin to throw away trash if you dig it out and use it?

#2. How do we sign up for the interactive session? A. B. C. and especially D. 

[De Villo Sloan]

How did I miss this? DK at her finest,

 

I wish she would send me things of this quality. I just received a plastic glove filled with dirt from her.

[Nancy Bell Scott]

"Mobsters Welcome" almost became the main theme of the blog. But then I, well, you know, got nervous.

[DKeys]

Nancy, you are so very observant, which is why you wear so many hats at DKult, although no one has ever kept track of which ones. I included that broken chairs are persecuted due to a recent incident with one of Claudia McGill's personified furniture catalogue pieces. The details are gory, but the slate has now been wiped as clean as a DKult mind. People persecute that which they do not understand, and I doubt very many people understand holy trashpoly. I know that germaphobes are downright haters and have accused us of spreading disease through the mail. At DKultGreece, we even had some members of the sanitation department accusing DKult of trying to do away with their jobs by mailing out garbage so there would BE no more garbage! Ridiculous. Dkult membership does come with some risks, but thanks to DVS' technology, exposure to germs will not be one of them, even in the grungiest of dumpsters, and you will make lots of mob connections if you so choose. The next DKult brochure is in the works, and for better or worse, you have now spurred me on!!!! XO
DK