I'm living in psychchondriac luxury!

[maximilian rudolf smoot]

this is great, I love getting back to my real life and figuring out my shit.   I've been painting abstracts all day.  Mostly been collaging and cartooning lately so it's good to paint some canvases finally since my absurd show at M's is getting stale.

I've been living by myself for about two months now and it has helped me discover the surfaces of my identity which I could not see from my dad's house where I used to live.  The space there is always active, so I get jealous of all the successful endeavors going on and need to pay attention to myself in order to get any attention.  Now that I'm on my own I can actually identify this ego problem because there's nobody to distract me from this issue of myself needing attention.  Plus I'm in Roseburg so the norm is that there's nobody around me and I can just work all the time and decide when I want to be social.  This has lead me to another problem which is a result of my needy personality.  The fact that I have secluded myself for so long that my old friends don't try to get ahold of me anymore and my new friends all think I'm totally nuts since I'm so anxious about planning and following through with goals, etc.

It's okay because I can figure this out and start learning to be more social again, especially when it involves planning ahead and meeting new acquaintances and being presentable around people, especially potential clients of which there are many, it seems, everywhere I go, most of them friends in some way.