David Staffords's Art Opening at the Diane Keys Gallery a raging success!!!!!

[DKeys]

The opening was a success. We had approximately 1,223 visitors, of which 5 signed the guest book. They had this to say about David's latest series of artspace desktops:  "Where is the bathroom?"  " Stafford provides a framework through which understanding obfuscates unknowability."--Dave Hickey, Food Critic Magazine. "Where's the food?"--Dave Hickey, Food Critic Magazine  "I was a little disappointed as I was hoping to see more of David's spleen shaped rock installations, but began to see the beauty and subtlety of his newest series. I took it to mean that it is not the creation itself , but the act of creation that is important.  That, or he's getting lazy." "How do I go about purchasing a David Stafford original? I want it on my wall next to my Mondrian--to which I see similarities.I've got a budget of $100.00 Does he barter?" 

The highlight was when David began doing impromptu caricatures of the guests. He then mixed and matched their body parts,  an exquisite corpse-esque commentary on the quintessence of exquisite corpseness. For more information on the work of David Stafford, please call his info hotline:  1-800-Got-Davi

[David Stafford]

Boy, you wear the wrong thing to a gallery opening and suddenly the heavens let loose the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune on your head.

Of course, I'm laughing all the way to Belize.

[DKeys]

These two pieces sold for $100,000 each. They are being packed right now and will ship tomorrow. We had to piece together a bio for David as he is so humble that he would only suggest "David IS that he IS." 

[DKeys]

Val, the final attendance count was EXACTLy 122, /The admin assist is heavy handed. I had to censor out some of the guestbook entries that might have upset David and  sent him into another art hibernation. The last one lasted 2 years. The deleted comment, well, I will let you read between the lines: "If David is the next great artist, then I am a Keebler elf. This work is so bad, it should be burned in a ritual cereemony banishing it to the depths of hell. It has offended me on every level. I wouldn't put this art in an outhouse. The only redeeming thing about this whole exhibit, is that I got to meet He. He has more talent in his tattooed pinky than David Stafford has in his whole body."

Val, You are free to submit a proposal for an exhibit at the gallery. We are open to any style, medium, and taste level. Please submit at least 5 examples of your best work and a description of your artistic pov. Also please let us know if you would be willing to be dropped in from the ceiling for a dramatic entrance at your artist's reception. David declined, a decision that we are sure cost him quite a few sales.

[Valentine Mark Herman]

You have a gallery?!

Why haven't you invited me to exhibit (yet)?

Approximately 1,223 visitors (but exactly 1,223?)?

Any Bad Mail Art in the exhibition?

[vizma bruns]

Oh I wish I'd been there, I love nothing better than a good ol' singalong in a gallery. And it really looked like a "Roll out the barrel" kind of crowd...

[David Stafford]

easy come, easy go...

[De Villo Sloan]

Poor guy. He has become a parody of himself.

Dw, cancel that lunch meeting with David. No rain check. Move his stuff to the Arthur Rimbaud File.

[David Stafford]

What? What's wrong with a wide wale red corduroy jacket?

[De Villo Sloan]

A nod to Retro-Futurism is intriguing & a firm affirmation of the Chinese workers' struggle but OMG! did you see what he was wearing>

[De Villo Sloan]

David is SO over.