Important Scientific Discoveries

[David Stafford]

Marie Wintzer sent me excerpts of the incredibly important work she's been doing on Kanji Puffs from her laboratory in Saitoma, Japan. Believe, dear reader,these are earth-shattering findings that will rock the foundations of Cerealism for years to come. I'll let her letter speak for itself.

 On the back of her missive a handy guide to Nikko where she delivered her paper on "The Possibilities of Meaning: Kanji Puffs and The Beginnings of Edible Language."

 

As you can see from this tiny fragment of Wintzer's speech, (delivered in Serbian to avoid world notice) the ramifications are mind-boggling. For those not fluent in Serbian the inset graphic is a primitive man holding two large Kanji puffs while standing on a small end table. I don't have to spell out what that means.

 Marie also sent along a few precious frames from a prehistoric animated Kanji Puff Commercial. Scientists at the University of Toshiku believe the small figure is in agony because he has been denied Kanji Puffs before bed time. Special thanks to Minoru Takahitsu of the Ghibli Museum fro the loan of these vitally important frames.

 

 And now the most amazing part of her package: Actual fossilized Kanji Puffs excavated at the Potsu Site at Nikko. They are over 10,000 years old! I provided a helpful timeline to the right to put them into historical context. Note the flurry of activity after the discovery of Kanji Puffs! Marie, I can't thank you enough for this revelational package of tasty, toasty tidbits from Japan where they still take science seriously.

 

[David Stafford]

That's me, useful tool for the Toxis...what is the Toxis, btw?

 

[De Villo Sloan]

So David is just another "useful tool" in spreading the revisionist, divisive agenda of TOXIS through the network? Still justifying the monkey experiments? Don't say I didn't warn you, people.

[Marie Wintzer]

David Stafford you must be kidding! I'm in stitches. People, you need to know that the Kanji Puff Timeline is by Pr. Stafford himself and not by Wintzer. I don't know what to say, every line is more hilarious than the previous one!

[De Villo Sloan]

This is just a lot of puffery!

[Lesley Magwood Fraser]

This is cerealously good Marie! I never realised that the birth of Cher in 0000 BC had such an important role to play in the Kellogian timeline, learning something new every day.

[De Villo Sloan]

RICE TRY: ARE THE FOSSIL KANJI PUFFS A FRAUD?

 

I believe I must raise a question here. Can we be certain of the authenticity of these Kanji Puffs?

I understand Dr. Stafford's excitement, and the approaching announcement of the Nobel Prize.

 

I must add here that Mademoiselle Wintzer has been associated with some very questionable scientific practices due to her (alleged) involvement in experiments to train animals to make mail-art as well as her association with a notorious prankster who (allegedly) unleashed a slew fake Ray Johnsons on Japan. All this is documented elsewhere

[Katerina Nikoltsou (MomKat)]

This is cerealism at its best! Great work, Marie!

Fascinating scientific discussion Professors Stafford and Sloan!

[David Stafford]

Dr. Sloan raises some interesting questions but at this point I think it would be splitting hairs to suggest that Hole Theory can account for the existence of certain pre-Kellogian cereals. Might I remind Dr. Sloan that Wintzer's excavations at Nikko have not found traces of Count Chocula, Rice Krispies, Coco Puffs or Wheaties and not a speck of cereal beyond the fossilized Kanji Puffs. In her footnotes Wintzer refers to the numerous crackpots who argue against the Single Puff Theory as deluded "frosted flakes."

 

[De Villo Sloan]

David and Marie have added some important findings to the field of Cerealism concerning the controversial Kanji Puff (KP).

 

Yet it begs the question, and I'm thinking of the Rice Krispy (RK), of an "evolution" OR THE PRESENCE of "intelligent design." Are we supposed to accept, for example, that the Kanji Puff is actually RELATED to Cap'n Crunch and Count Chocula? And how do you explain the Lucky Charm discoveries, establishing a clear connection not to Asia but Europe? You haven't even acknowledged Hole Theory as it relates to Cheerios and so many others. I felt I must raise these issues.

 

And Professor Stafford - While I can follow your reasoning in suggesting a Pre-Kellogian strain, I must point out to you that correct nomenclature is Post-Kellogian, as established earlier this week on a discussion I posted concerning Grape Nuts. 

[Svenja Wahl]

Wow, Marie, can't really express my admiration, it's absolutely fantastic, I love it! Thanks for posting, David!!