Erni's package, where performance and Mail Art collide – Warning: Photos are graphic!

[Dean aka Artist in Seine]

A long day last Friday which ended in a surprise.  We got home very late (or early in the morning) from seeing the Paris avant premiere of "The Iron Lady" which was a good film but I fell asleep 3 times.  Meryl Streep was fab in the role of Margaret Thatcher.  Too tired to go to sleep we chatted awhile in the kitchen when I noticed that I still had not opened Erni’s package.  There was already a hole in the side of the box which looked like something had eaten its way out.

Already the outside of the package had secret messages.  I'm not sure why my wife took a close up picture of this, skinny men are so boring!

And some less secret messages.  (I took this photo because I wanted to include it, good for the morale)

You can never be too careful with Erni’s packages as you never know what will be in there.  Something could jump out at any moment.

Inside I found treasure of wonders and excitement, now its 2:30am but I'm not sleepy at all.

Yes, full of interesting items and a mysterious tube, now what could that be?

I start to take the tube apart to see what was inside when my wife said, “Wait, read the instructions first”.  I looked at her; “Don’t be silly, this is Mail Art? There aren’t any instructions in Mail Art.”, I said with a frown on my face.  “No, look there are instructions on the side of the package”, she said.  At this time, 11 February 2012 at 2:40am I realize that there are major differences between my wife and myself.  Like the time we got a new VHS player and she spent hours reading the instructions, where I just plugged it in and started playing around with the buttons.  By the way, it still just flashes 12:00 .

"It says you must jump on the tube", she said.  "Jump on the tube?  Oh I get it, I bet there is paint inside the tube and when I jump on it, it will make a pretty design on the paper."  And as I like to humor my wife, I said "OK, I won't jump, I'll just stand on it, besides, we don't want it going all over the kitchen"

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To give the poor dog a bone:
When she got there,
The cupboard was full of Mayonnaise,

And so the poor dog had none!

And Boom, the tube exploded ...

Actually there are times that one wishes he had a dog to clean this all up!

The Mayonnaise sprayed up to 2 meters (6 feet) high and in my hair.

I call this one Shadows of Mayonnaise

or Landscape from Lord of the Rings?

How it got from ground zero to my hair and in the back of my sweater is beyond me!

Only if we had a canvas!

Nearly cleaned up, but don't forget the coller.  Little did we know it, but 3 days after we would still find bits everywhere in the tiny corners.Like dunes on a setting sunset

Well I guess we are happy that it wasn't paint.

Freud's Mayonnaise blot test?

A close encounter of the Mayonnaise kind.

So don't try this at home!  PS Dear Erni, My wife thanks you as this is the first time her husband has ever cleaned every inch of the kitchen.  What a Show !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Katerina Nikoltsou (MomKat)]

Actually, this mayo-performance may have surpassed Bifidus-Cheese collab,

as 8 months after this event, in October, 2012,I visited the InSeine home,

and there was still Haptic-Mayonnaise to be found in the kitchen!!! 

[Nancy Bell Scott]

That mayo has not become one whit less disgusting, and it's had over a year to improve.

[xx Jones]

This is hilarious. See, I was right to be concerned.

[Katerina Nikoltsou (MomKat)]

Where oh where is Dean???

Erni, have you drowned Dean in mayonnaise...again???

[Valentine Mark Herman]

Hi Erni, Star od Stage, Screen and Mail Art! See you at the Oscars.

On thinking about it, we don't need a script. Rather we need i) a special Erni parcel, ii) Dean, iii) a cameraperson. Then we're bound to have some sort of happening/performance.

Regards, Val

[Valentine Mark Herman]

Thanks Erni. My computer won't play youtube things for some reradson (GOOD! Stuff youtube), so I can't watch them, alas.That aside, yes we should wotk on a plot, but I have no experience of writing film scripts. However, with Dean it's probably not necessary, as he won't follow a script anyway. It will be a case of 'Let's make it up as we go along'.

Let's see what he has to say about this. Regards, Val

[Valentine Mark Herman]

Erni, bonjour! I talked to Dean about your Mayo Surprise box, and yes we thought that Dean's performance should have been filmed, but, alas it's too late now.

AND YET, I suppose the two of you could always try and recreate it. if you decide to do so I think that next time round it should be a Real Horror Movie, and for that you need blood, and lots of it.

So, please include the biggest tube of tomato ketchup you can find in your next package.

Also Google the lyrics for Velvet Underground's 'The Gift' from their 'White Light/White Heat' album...you have to imagine them being read in a monotone voice over a throbbing bass rhythm.

Bon weekend, Val

[prettylily]

Love all of the photos, but wish you had filmed it!  Who knew though.  Perhaps Erni will film what he receives in return.  I'm still laughing.  And......... leave it to Diane to pick up on the "naughty" part!!!

[Dean aka Artist in Seine]

No Alicia, just me stepping on it.  Quite amazing result isn't it? I was in shock.  Great party game!  We should market it.  Thanks for noticing the oranges, Mim & her husband Chuck came over for lunch and I made the Crepe Suzzette.  You should have seen their faces when I set it a flame.  Maybe that's what I could send back to Erni.

[Dean aka Artist in Seine]

Yes Erni, Diane is correct.  Your project needs a name.  Any ideas?