Received: Honest mom, Simba ate Erni Bar's mail-art (Hamburg, Germany)

[De Villo Sloan]

(Re-enactment of Simba eating Erni Bar's mail-art; no mail-art was harmed.)

October 4, 2010 - Dear Erni, I deeply appreciate that you sent me chocolate from Germany. I would advise most people not to ingest mail-art. But Erni, you are a very good IUOMA friend and fellow Dharma Bum. I had no concern about consuming some of the chocolate. In fact, with The Great Recession and all things are getting a little tough over here. So I was very busy these last few days posting all the great mail-art I've been receiving. I've been a bit remiss about where I put things. And as you can see Simba, driven by hunger, decided to turn your mail-art into trashpo. And as we like to say over here about many things: "Don't mess with her when she gets that way." More of the re-enactment I staged for you:

This shot captures the intensity and horror of the whole thing better. There is some sort of cosmic significance, Erni. Simba is a Llasa Apso - yes, the sacred Tibetan dogs who were, I believe, the guardians of the temple. You might understand the significance of it. And then Erni, in an attempt to clean up this disaster, without my knowledge - because you know I would have used all my earthly powers to stop it - your mail-art was thrown in the trash. This was destined for a landfill, not really a landfill, but gigantic heaps of trash that now rise out of the landscape like mountains. You can truly see them from miles away. Day and night, trucks carry garbage from New York City and New Jersey Upstate. So your mail-art was destined to become an artifact among the debris of The City. But I did manage to rescue it. It's not looking too good. I'm not sure how to handle this archival challenge. This just, I don't know, really sad:

 

Can you suggest a punishment for destroying mail-art? As I'm always saying about someone: "Now what do I do with her?" I certainly think you deserve justice and reparation. I ask myself always, "Was it me? Was it my fault?" Then I say: This is mail-art. It's dog-eat-dog. You can't take it personally. No one said it was going to be easy. You pick yourself up and brush yourself off. Because you're always just one postcard away from a little south of nowhere in this biz, kid. You say: "Don't you remember two weeks ago when I..." And they come back faster with: "Sure, but what have you done for me lately." Dylan always has a line for profound times like these: "Don't look back."

 

[De Villo Sloan]

Simba appreciates the sound of one hand clapping.

[Marie Wintzer]

This post is generating a record number of comments!
Anyways.... here is a crappy haiku I came up with over lunch:
"What's for mail today?
Crunchy art, luxious chocolate
Simba in the Sky"

[cheryl penn]

Chocolate is a cat. My cat.

[Jen Staggs]

HaaaaaaHahahahhhhh!!!!!! So may I say this is the best performance art I've ever witnessed. (Can you imagine how bad my previous experiences have been??) I think there is a conspiracy of dogs on this site- Angie's dog Snooky ate my mail art too! (though to be fair, it was a dog bone.)

[Elaine B(atgirl)]

Um, I thought chocolate was deadly to dogs? http://www.bigpawsonly.com/chocolate-poisoning-in-dogs-health.htm

[Marie Wintzer]

Hilarious! Never mix chocolate and mail art! lesson learned....

[De Villo Sloan]

Erni, thank you for being so understanding. The chocolate did come in handy on a day when the gunfire was particularly intense outside (will explain some other time) and supplies were running low. Those Tibetan creatures - they're bottom feeders. Will eat anything. Tibet must be a tough place. I am so pleased you have a digital record of the piece before, as Angie Cope so politely calls it, the "performance." I think I can salvage the shreds of the original after they dry. I have the Lingdo sausage can preserved and documented - and it's not just your regular postcard. I left the Lingdo out for awhile and various guests would ask. I just say, "It's art from Germany - from that town where the Beatles are from." They believe it. OK, Simba will not be tried and held accountable.