Vinyl Art

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Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on May 13, 2014 at 3:38pm

                  HOW TO MAKE A VINYL CLOCK IN 8 EASY STAGES

                                     PART 2

Well that was easy enough, even though I did burn the kitchen down. Now what? I know I'll put the pieces in the clock and see what happens

STAGE 5: PUT THE PIECES IN THE CLOCK

Perhaps Customer Services can help me sort this mess out.

"Hello Vinyl Val Customer Services. Can you help me?"

"Sorry, no."

"Why not? Isn't that your job? Listen, if you can't help me, can I speak to Vinyl Val?"

"Sorry, no -- he's out of the office for the rest of the year. Why don't you try and assemble your wretched clock all by yourself and leave me in peace. Good bye!"

STAGE 6: ASSEMBLE THE CLOCK

I must be doing something wrong. I've got all of these pieces left over.(Severeal large drinks later)

Well, I'll have to call Vinyl Val Customer Services again.

"Hello, it's me again."

"Yes".

"I need your help to finish this clock. After all I did pay you $199.99."

"Not me, my friend. You paid Vinyl Val, and he's done a runner with your money -- as usual. But as it's a Tuesday afternoon and there's nothing on the TV I'll try and help you. Have you got a wristwatch?"

"Yes"

"Well put it on your Vinyl clock";

STAGE 7: PUT WRISTWATCH ON VINYL CLOCK

"Thanks! It's not quite what I expected. One last thing isn't there supposed to be a Stage 8?"

"Yes, but we've all forgotten what it is. You could send us another $199.99 and we'll try and remember. Goodbye!"

THE END

Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on May 13, 2014 at 3:20pm

              HOW TO MAKE A VINYL CLOCK IN 8 EASY STAGES

                                     PART 1

STAGE 1: BUY A VINYL CLOCK KIT FROM VINYL VAL -- ONLY $199.99* TO PAID UP IOUMA MEMBERSSTAGE 2: OPEN UP THE VINYL CLOCK KIT AND READ THE INSTRUCTIONS

"Is that Vinyl Val 'Customers Services'?"

"Yes"

"Can you help me, please. I've just bought a Vinyl Clock Kit from you and it hasn't come with any instructions."

"So?"

"So, I need the instructions. Can you send them to me please?"

"Only if you bought the De Luxe $299.99 Kit. The cheaper one doesn't come with instructions."

"What am I supposed to do then?"

"I dunno. It's your problem, not mine. I tell you what though -- why don't you put the pieces of the kit on your Vinyl and see how you get on?"

"But there isn't any Vinyl in the Kit either!"

"What do you expect for $199.99 -- the works?"

STAGE 3: PUT THE PIECES OF THE KIT ON (YOUR) VINYL

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

"Is that Vinyl Val 'Customer Services'?"

"Yes"

"It's me again. What do I do next?"

"Try committing suicide. Our last -- in fact our only -- 3 customers did.

Failing that, try shaping your Vinyl."

STAGE 4: SHAPE THE VINYL

Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on May 12, 2014 at 5:38pm

Nope, Erni. I don't have any bootlegs. When I put the bulk of my collection together, bootlegs didn't exist.

Comment by Valentine Mark Herman on May 12, 2014 at 9:24am

Right gang, now we've gotten Betsy out of the way, can we move on to Dianna Ross &/or the Supremes AND some Vinyl Art, please?

Thank you.

Comment by Keith S. Chambers on May 12, 2014 at 6:56am

Jasper Johns' White Flag

Comment by Keith S. Chambers on May 12, 2014 at 6:48am

Yep, there red stripes on that flag . . . you should hear what people say about them there stars . . . ;]

Comment by Keith S. Chambers on May 12, 2014 at 6:40am

Sorry Erni, I'm rambling over here . . .

Comment by Keith S. Chambers on May 12, 2014 at 6:39am

Believe it or not Erni, my son went to Betsy Ross Elementary School. I suspect she wouldn't be a household name outside the states. I bet if you asked people in Vancouver, they wouldn't have a clue to who she was.

Yes, Dylan's John Birch Society . . . I too know the song. A funny song about a bunch of scary people. A bunch of right-wing minded folks who make us moderates look like a bunch of long-haired hippies [as a matter of fact, I think I do need a hair-cut].

Umpah!

Comment by Keith S. Chambers on May 12, 2014 at 6:30am

Hey Erni, read your link there about Betsy [I was curious what it said]. Says there her great-granddad came over to the colonies in 1680 . . . but my standards, they were a bunch of late-comers. My folks were just about in their third generation of ex-pats at that point.

Comment by Keith S. Chambers on May 12, 2014 at 6:19am

Don't diss Betsy, she was just a humble seamstress that got caught-up in some political goings-on. Evidently, it lead to some war between two guys named George and these colonists that followed one of the Georges around  needed to wave a flag in front of them so the other side [the other George's side] would know who to shoot at.

Some people even got hurt over that stitched up mess that Betsy threw together.

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